OMG, what's getting onto me???

I can't believe I hurt my darling daughter last night... Hurt her so badly that she broke down in tears & told me how hurt she was :( What a bad mummy ive been. Actually it all started with some stupid sleeping arrangement which I wanted to do when the baby arrive, but come to think of it, it's all too early isn't it?!?! I'm only going to see my Gynae for my first appt tmr :p Ok, mayb I'm just too nervous, or is it the hormones changing that's making me hot tempered?!?! I wish I didn't lashed out at her, but it's all too late :( I can't believe I actually said: Well, if u don't give in & listen to mummy on the sleeping arrangement, then mummy & baby will go to the other room to sleep while daddy & u can sleep in mummy's room!!! Think it was too much for her. She bursted in tears covering her face & cried very badly. Immediately I knew I shouldn't said that but it was all too late :( Slept with lots of guilt last night, couldn't believe how mean I was, how I hurt my darling :( Bad mummy, better buck up & improve myself. Not much time left for just Kion & mummy's time....

8th Aug 2012.... Finally, it's positive!!! :)

Yes, finally it's positive!!! Words cannot describe how happy?!?! Or mayb shocked I was while holding on to the kit in the toilet, lookInf at the positive sign :p Felt like shouting out yay, but instead, walked out & told the hubs who was equally shocked & pleased, cos yes, we had been trying for quite awhile already... As Kion was just beside us, we decided to break the happy news to her as she had been praying n trying her best to be good so that God would bless her with a little sister :) Of cos, she got mixed feelings, I should have anticipated :p Kion was jumping all over the bed for 1 moment, but was breaking down crying the next. Think she's scare, scare she will lose our love for her, scare she will lose all attention... But what she doesnt knows is tat she is a special child in our heart, our first child, the time we spent with her will never b forgotten, she had built precious memories in our heart, which no one else can ever do cos she's the eldest, having the privilege of having our individual attention :) The younger one will never b able to have time let Kion had with us cos no matter what, I think the only child gets ALL intention & Kion, had been an only child till now, actually, will b till next year. Of cos, we will also love n shower the younger one with care, n yes, every child is different, but every parents love their children. So now, let me just sit down n anticipate this pregnancy with joy n hope I don't grow FAT!!! :( Oh & sad to say, I need to forgo my 10km run... Mayb I can always try again after giving birth ;-)

When the kid misbehaves, it means the parent had failed :(

Feeling damn upset today, cos caught Kion telling a lie. Although later on realized that mayb she didn't had the intention to lie to me.... Yet at that very moment, my mind was in a blank, furious, upset?!?! I didn't even knew what was I feeling!!! Seriously, I suck big time as a mother!!! Can u believe I actually threw a tantrum & told her to sit infront in the car with her daddy and even went as far as to tell her I don't wanna walk her up to school & let her daddy do it instead :p Wah lau, what sort of mother am I??? Luckily my yoga teacher said this today: let it go, whatever happened is over, let it go now, let it go completely. Although she was referring to a posture who h we had to do, I think it suit what I was going thru completely. Yes, I needed to let it go... Anyway, I was upset n hit by reality cos when I ask Kelvin y did she lied, he said: how do I know? Ur daughter is so close to u, kisses u almost like a 100x everyday, how can I know y she lied when u don't know. So yes, I think I am deeply affected cos it seems to say that I have failed to guide my daughter properly, that's y she started lying :( Hiaz, no point looking back n Seeking for answers. Mayb YT is right, nothing is perfect & sometimes is it good to always b perfect??? Anyway, I think I did a good job in letting go, at least infront of her. Better parenting starts right away & yes, I'm sure I can do it :p

It's ok, Mummy!

I must record this conversation between us because I was seriously touched last night =p

Kion: Mummy, can u pls let me try eating bubblegum when I grow up?

Me: Of cos u can try when u r older, but u cant eat bubblegum, u can only chew them & spit them out.

Kion: what u happen when I swallow? stuck in my stomach? then Doctor needs to cut my stomach to take it out? And it's gg to b very painful rite.

Me: If Dr cuts ur stomach, of cos its gg to b very painful, just like when Dr cut my stomach to take u out, it was sooo painful when I woke up. But u were still a baby at that time, cannot sayang Mummy.

Kion: Then if I want didi & meimei then u gg to b in pain again!

Me: yes, so we just have 1 more instead of 2 more children ok?

Kion: It's ok lah Mummy!

Me: WHAT! Its ok to b in pain?!?!

Kion: No Mummy, I meant it's ok to not have didi meimei. Cos I dont want u to b in pain again.

Me: Kion, bcos u r so good to mummy, I also think it's ok, even if it's painful also I try 2 give u a meimei ok =)


Hiaz, my little baby is so sensible now, no longer a baby.... I miss u Kion, miss ur days as a baby...

March 2012..... A month filled with fun activities!!!

Wow, its end March already.... Scary how time flies.
Now I'm left with only 9 more months before its year 2013. Hiaz, time, can u pls slow down, I dont want my baby to grow so fast =(
Everytime I look @her, I see that she's a bit bigger, a bit more sensible, a bit prettier & also a bit more independent.

Independent! Did I just said INDEPENDENT?!?! That means she gonna not need me soon??? AAArrrrggghhhh!!! but I need her everyday!!! Ok, so I'm being a bit drama, but I really miss those days when she was so little, so niave.....

Oh ya, brought a pc of yummy chocolate Gail gave me to school for her that day & on the way home,

she said:
Mummy, Im so proud of u today

Me: Y?

She: Cos u brought the yummy chocolate 4 me today. So, do u want me 2 be proud of u everyday? If u want, then u must brg me the yummy chocolate everyday ok?

Hahahahaa!!! See conversation like this one tells me she is no longer small & niave, instead growing up & starting 2 use her brain =p

I am still very much a HAPPY Mummy, spending time with my darling daughter, although occasionally she does me CRAZY =p

And yes, we went JKT without Kelvin early this month 2 celebrate G's bday! Desmond & Gail played really good hosts, bringing me 2 all sort of restaurants, from padang food, to korean to Italian & even japanese =)
And not only food, even my massage was on Desmond! Looks like I've got to b super nice to him in future =p
Oh, & kidzania, it was a SUPER DUPER FUN place 4 both Kion & I!!! =)

Went Melaka too, but didnt really enjoyed it. It was like 35 to 36 degrees every day!!! Super HOt!!! Except for cheap food, nothing there made me feel that the place is worth going.

Kion's MNO :-p

We were in the car on Sunday n had a conversation like this

Kion: mummy, can u pls help me take care of "animal" (her favorite pillow cum baby) tonight cos I got mummies nite out n will b home quite late.

Me: huh? Who r the mummies u going out with?

Kion & I: hahahahahaaa

Sooo cute!!! N yes, cos I did a MNO on sat nite itself n that was already like my 5th MNO??? Guess Kion more or less have an idea of what's MNO by now. Seriously, I can't help laughing everytime I think of the conversation we had abt MNO :p

Mummy, I love u more than my heart!

Yesterday night on bed....

Kion: mummy, u r just a little cute mummy!

Me: hahahaa, little cute mummy? U r my little cute baby too!

Kion: u r such a good mummy, I love u more than my heart!!!

Me:??? More than ur heart? How to? I love u deep in my heart :-)

The greatest joy of being a mother, is to know that u r always needed n love by ur children no matter what happens....

BAD mummy!!!

Today she called me a BAD mummy all for the sake of a marshmellow =( Actually I just asked her 2 choose between a biscuit & a marshmellow instead of both junk food & she said: u r a BAD mummy, dont let me eat both!!!

Frankly speaking, I felt really sad cos the fact that she banged her nose straight into the floor & bled yesterday, already made me felt very useless, very incapable & then today, she have to hurt me like this.

Yet instead of giving in to her request of eating both her JUNKS, I lashed out at her. told her she could jolly well walk out of the house & go search for her "good" mummy if I am not good enough 4 her. Think I scared her. She started crying, told me she was sorry 4 upsetting me & that she dont mean it.

Seriously, I also wanna b a good mummy!!! Who dont want??? But whats the defination of being a good mummy?!?!

I remember when Kion was younger, family members like her 'kuku' liked asking her if she love daddy or mummy more. The 1st time I heard them asked, I was panicky. Worried that the ans might b Daddy. But she always ans them: both, Daddy & mummy.
If anyone tells me cos she's smart, thats a politically rite ans, I wont believe & I would say that this person doesnt have a child cos when this qns was 1st posed to her, she was less than 2yrs old. A less than 2yrs old child will not know what is a politically correct ans.

Anyway, at that time, I was always happy with her ans. Nowadays, I somehow feels that 1 day, the ans to this qns will b narrowed down to: Daddy....
Cos everything that she wants, mummy will say: NO!!!
Soon she will feel that mummy is no fun, mayb even a hindrance =p

Of cos, I can only hope for the better, learn to let go n pull back when needed.... But life, it's always easier said than done =p

Yes, I'm 29yrs old now =p

My birthday just ended, withou a romantic dinner with Hubs, without flowers to surprise me, but with lots of love from family & friends that touches me deeply =)

Actually y does people seems to b so happy on their birthday? Dont they know that on the day they were borned, hrs b4 they came 2 earth, their mummies were panicking, with fear of the delivery =p
At least that was how I felt when I was being pushed into the room for caeserean... & it doesnt end there. I remembered the pain I felt when I was awake, felt like bursting in tears but controlled cos I saw mummy rite in front of me & didnt want her to get worried.

Anyway, was super touched by small gestures from my dear friends, 2 chocolate cakes =p presents & lots of love!!! I am so blessed!!! Mayb that's the reason y i'm putting on weight =p

Goodbye Polo, Welcome CLK.....

Gonna say goodbye to my Polo tonight, feels alittle sad.... mayb cos its my 1st car, the first car that is totally mine. Although I know I'm doing an upgrade, cant help feeling a tinge of sadness.

The feelings were the same like when we first sold our love nest... Although I know that we were gonna have a better place, I cant help feeling kind of upset =(

Oh & yes, gonna record this down, I hit a kerb & got my tyre busted this afternoon. I was just turning out from my place, driving on a straight road & suddenly "BANG"!!! I felt a hugh impact on the car, which sent me panicking =p
Cos I'm going to hand in my car tmr & the dealer said he's taking my car in @ such high price cos it's accident free =p

I quickly drove off 2 a nearby HDB carpark 2 check on Kion & my car, praying that I didnt hurt the bumper etc. Thank God, there really wasn't any major damage to the car except for a BIG hole on the tyre. No wonder I felt the alignment not right when I was driving.

Kion was also fine, except for getting a shock. Luckily Gail came 2 pick her up while I continued waiting for the mechanic 2 come help me change the tyre. Got to go to the workshop early in the morning 2 replace new tyre then hand the car to the dealer at night, in exchange for my CLK!!! Totally in love with it but still cannot sink into reality yet =p

Seriously, I thank Kelvin 4 everything. Told him last night when we signed the contract for the CLK: Dear, everytime u get extra cents, u spent it on either Kion or me. So I should trust that u r a faithful man with no other women outside ya???

Lol, he of cos didnt ans me more than just a : crazy huh u???

Hmmm... Dear Hubby, tk u so much for the advance Bday present.
Oh & yes, cant wait 2 fly off to B.k.k on Friday morning =p
Guess I still the old Jojo, who loves cheap stuffs, bargaining, & shopping @B.K.K =p

Happy New Year, Its 2012 now!!!

OMG!!! time flies, & flew extremely fast for the past 3 yrs... Or mayb issit bcos I kind of realized how fast time flies only after I had my little darling =p

Anyway, am seriously wondering where did the past 36mths went to?!?!?! AAArrrggghhh, hate it, seriously hates it =(
Spotting more strands of white hair growing on head, dark circles on eyes, & even puffy eye-bags on lower lid of eyes =( Think sagging breasts will b up next =p

Anyway, told myself I'm gonna learn to cherish life & the people ard me more! Gonna b more caring, more patient & more loving to all my family & friends =)
I wanna do it & gonna do it =)

In the mean time, also strive hard to b a BETTER Wife, BETTER Mother & a BETTER Daughter. I know I want & I know I can =)
Seriously, with sooo many sad news which took place in yr 2011, I am no longer keen in making resolution of losing weight etc. Life is too short to let me b bothered abt all these nonsense =p Although I still wish I had a 34'25'34 figure..... Lol