I am feeling very very very very very SAD!!!!

Arrghh!!! Feeling emotionally very sad since yesterday.... Firstly it was bcos I heard a friend's friend passed away, leaving behind her husband & a 2yrs old daughter, secondly, I read the blog Ainsley told me to read about, ourfeistyprincess...

After being a mother, I can relate better to other mothers & this makes me very very sad when I read or hear about the tragedies that had happened. Since yesterday, I had been crying every now & then, infront of the computer, in the bathroom, in the living room etc etc. Everytime I thought of the things little Charmaine & her mummy had gone thru, I feel very pain, really very very pain.... Y is life so harsh on Charmaine's mummy? All she ever wanted, or isn;t it just what every parents wanted, to have a healthy child.

I remembered when I was pregnant, I told myself, I wanted a daughter, I dont want a son!!! Subsequently when I knew that I was indeed carrying a daughter, I was overjoyed =) It was from there then I started hoping that my baby would b strong & healthy, cos what can b more important than to have a healthy baby. Although if she pretty & cute, would b an added bonus =p

Anyway, come to think of it, I was silly & ignorant. How important could the sex of the baby b? Isnt it more important to have a strong & healthy baby? Yes, I know I shouldnt had thought that way cos it is already a blessing to b able to have children, so whatever sex my child is, I should thank God.

But where is GOD? When reading Charmaine's case, it made people like me, who all the while, doesnt have a religion, began doubting all Gods. My mother is a buddhist or mayb taoist, she prays to every gods, & always tells me that it is ok to believe in whichever Gods I want cos all Gods wants people to do good. I remember attending a christian childcare centre when I was young. Everyday B4 breakfast, b4 lunch, & b4 teabreak, we would sing:

Thank u God for world so sweet
thank u God for food we eat
thank u God for birds that sings
thank u God for everything
Amen.

My principal loved me a lot, always read bible stories to me, telling me how great God is, telling me how much Jesus loves us & how he protects us etc etc.

Yet what did Charmaine did to have to suffer like that? she was only 4yrs old when she was first diagnosed with cancer. Y didnt God helped her? Doesn't he knows that the poor girl was suffering & her mummy was very very sad???

I didnt read the whole blog, but it was good enough to make me reflect on my own life. Yesterday, when Kion woke up from her nap, I hugged her tightly. I hugged & kissed her so many times cos I was so afraid to lose her. Suddenly, everything else seems very unimportant, education & stuffs seems useless & worthless. I tell myself, the most important thing in my life now, is to spend quality time & to cherish the people ard me. It is of cos very sad that we needed to look at others tragedies to reflect on our own lives....

Since yesterday, I decided to do a self reflection every day on my daily activities which main purpose is to make sure I do not lose temper towards Kion, Kelvin & My mummy cos they r the most important people in my life & I want to cherish every moments I have with them. =)