Mixed Feelings =(

Hmmm.... It is so unlike me 2 update my blog so soon, but since am free now, at least I hope Kion doesn't wake up till tml morning cos she had been asleep since 6.30pm(So lucky 2be able 2 watch the YOG table-tennis finale with her sleeping in my arms) of cos, its due 2 the fact that she had missed her afternoon nap=(

Okok. so time 2 annouce the truth, nothing but the truth... I am..... not Pregnant after all=( I wonder y, but I did feel a tiny weeny bit of disappointed when my urine test done yesterday showed a -ve result. Afterall, haven't I, all the while, been against the idea of having a 2nd child??? Maybe during the period where I missed my mense, I had been convincing myself that I had gotten pregnant & also due 2 my recent putting on another 2kg that I wish I was pregnant(at least it gave me an excuse 2 put on weight).
Well, all these r just a fraction of the reason of getting disappointed... I think the real reason of y I'm disappointed was the fact tat I had made Kion tot that there's a baby sister in my tummy & seeing her accepting it, yet realized tat everything was false, is a major upset.

We had a conversation like this today, Me, taking out my U-kimono from my drawer & facing Kion:" I'm gg 2 use my U-kimono later." Kion:"I dont wan Mummy, I dont wan u 2 do it!" Me:" I dont care hor, u dont always stop me from using it ok". Kion:"y? bcos meimei inside ur stomach so must do is it?" Me:" No, cos no meimei in my stomach, tat's y can use!". Kion:" Y no meimei in ur stomach???" Me:" I also dunno Y".

Frankly speaking, from my previous workin experiences, I knew tat urine tests r the most accurate, or I should say earliest form of way 2 detect a pregnancy. Whatever cant b seen thru scan, can b detected thru urine test 2 confirm a pregnancy. Yet due 2 the fact tat my mense had never been consistent, I went back 2 see Dr Kowa today, hoping tat he could tell me that my mense is not here yet cos I am pregnant.
Sad 2 say, this was not so.. in fact Dr kowa didnt even asked me 2 do a urine test after hearing tat I just did 1 yesterday. He even asked if I am still workin, probably thinking tat how could someone who had been workin in an O&G 4 so long b so ignorant & cant even tell if she is pregnant or not...
Well, things wasnt so complicated in the past, but due 2 the fact tat after having Kion, both Kelvin & I tot tat one is enough, therefor I went on the pills. After taking the pills 4 quite some time, I felt tat my weight loss had been in complete failure, therefore decided 2 stop the pills, & only from there did I know how much harm had those tiny little pills did 2 my body. Infact, they made my menses cycle turned into a total mess=(.... (anyway, these few paragraphs belonged 2 the 22th Aug's event, I am late in completing my post again.)

By the way, 2 days ago Kion finally said:" I love u, mummy" to my surprise cos all these while, I'm always the one who says so to her 1st but this time round, she said it willingly by herself, out of no reason...No, no,no, she said it cos of LOVE, the Love she has 4 MUMMY=) Then after the surprise 'I love u' 2 days ago, I got another :"I love u, mummy" from Kion today while I was carrying her at Parkway parade. It happened when Kelvin went 2 unload somethings(should say, Kion's shopping loots, Kion has been buying many things recently) in the car & while waiting 4 him, i carried Kion, walked around when she suddenly used her tiny hands 2 hold my face & look into my eyes while saying 'I love u, Mummy'=)

Hehehee... so sweet, how my heart melted when I heard her said. Haha, I think Kelvin must b jealous, not really jealous,ok, he said he's not jealous after all=( but I think he really hope that Kion would say I love u to him too....

Anyway I am also abit worry about the amt of things Kion buys on shopping trips recently. I wonder if its due 2 the fact tat she is now into another phrase of life, shopping phrase???

The 3 of us went Parkway after Kion's shichida lesson today cos Kelvin & I badly needed a hair-cut as there r plenty of split-ends at the ends of my hair &b4 Kelvin, he just felt tat his hair has grown. I havent been 2 my hair-stylist since CNY cos he's now stationed so far from my new place & also partly cos he permed my hair differently, in fact, I would say, UGLYLY from previous( tat's y I boycott him) so I decided 2 go try out the Supercut in Parkway parade=)

Hehehee, as usual Kelvin goes 2 his $10 hair-cut saloon, while Kion & I went 2 Supercut. I didnt wanted 2 let Kion cut her hair cos I just did a nice job of trimming her fringe yesterday, but she insisted tat she needed 1 so I brought her 2 Supercut & asked her if she wanted 2 cut at Supercut, or the "Children Saloon" few shops away. Of cos she choose the "Children saloon" cos she had been there b4 & for $20, they threw in free balloon & stickers...

After the hair cut, Kelvin bought her a doggy balloon, the one which she wanted when I brought her to Parkway 2days ago, but i didnt buy as I felt tat it was a waste of $( can u imagine a balloon tat cost $13???) Well, as usual, this is not the end. We later when to level 1 & there was a toy fair going on... Kion managed 2 find a pink scooter there & wanted us 2 get it 4 her. Yes, she had all the while wished 4 a pink scooter but I always brushed it off by saying tat we'll get her 1 later on as she havent even mastered the tricycle we bought few mths back(probably our fault cos we seldom bring her 2 the park).

Anyway Kion managed 2 convince us tat the pink scooter was what she had been wishing 4 all along & we, therefore bought it. Later on, Kelvin asked if we should get Yangzhi, Kion's cousin, who is celebrating his Bday this sat, a birthday present & I mentioned books... Kelvin reminded me tat Yangzhi, may not like books, but by then, Kion insisted that she needed some new books for bedtime stories & once again we stormed into 'Borders' 2 get some children bks 4 her.

See, everytime I bring her shopping, she would spend 2 to 3 hundreds of dollars, wah, if I bring her shopping every alternate day, I would b broke very very soon I guess=(
Seriously, I know she isnt 2 blame, how could she understand the value of $ at such young age rite? & if we can afford, shouldn't we give our children the best? I can only hope that we wont spoil her. Its really tough trying 2 be good parents....