Kion, a blessing from Heaven!

Grandma: Kion, u know granduncle & grand aunt are asking me to go Genting with them next mth. Kion: huh! Them my mummy finish her 30days already not?(referring to my confinement period) Grandma: not yet, y? Kion:(softly) then u tell them u dont want to go ok? If not nobody help my mummy. These were the words exchanged between the 2 of them and later on told to me by my dear mummy. My Mother said: do u know how fortunate u r? U got such a young daughter who knows how to care for u. Indeed, I am very very touch. Kion & I had always bben very close depite me always chasing after her for piano practices at home & giving her tons of assesments to do. I always ask myself, what have I done 2 deserve such a good & caring daughter? Is it bcos I'm good at teaching thats y she became such a good girl? Kelvin would tell me yes, It's all one's effort. U get what u reap but I somehow dont believe I am that good in teaching or have the ability to cultivate her into such a well behave person. No matter what, Kion, u r really a blessing from heaven & I'm really very very blessed to have u as my daughter.

1st night without Kion by my side....

Kion is finally sleeping herself tonight, in her own room, on her new bed. Yes, new bed again =p I know, this is the 3rd bed we had bought her since we shifted into this place less than 3 yrs ago but this time round, she was the one who made the request. All these while, we had tried, but mayb didnt try hard enough, to make her sleep herself in her own room... We tried buying kiddy furnitures, painting her room in her favourite shades of purple, pink & white strips, but each time she refuses to sleep herself, we would always bring her back to our bed to sleep with me while poor daddy gets to sleep on the mattress below the bed =p I think it was last monday, while we were having breakfast when she suddenly said: Mummy, can I have my own bed? I would like to sleep in my own room myself. I was shocked, but of cos, she made me promise that we would buy her a loft bed, so that she can play 'high-tea' party below her bed. As usual, the doting daddy, couldnt wait to find his daughter her 'princess bed'. So the very next day, our search began... It started at Flexa, although we really like the bed there, they didnt had stock till April. Next we went to Casa Kiddy, but daddy didnt like the beds there so our last stop was Picolo. Found the perfect bed there but without accessories, so off we went back to Flexa, to get all the curtains, bed pockets etc. The bed arrived this mornign & we managed to get everything done up b4 Kion came back from school, to give her a surprise =) She was indeed very happy when she saw her dream bed & I even allowed her to skip her nap for today, thinking it would help her fall asleep easier tonight. Hiaz, skipping nap certainly didnt work. I was with her in her room for more than 1hr b4 I finally gave in & told her I would sleep in her room with her for tonight, to make her feel more secure, b4 she finally fall asleep. Now, i have the speaker on, in case she looks for me in the middle of the night, & of cos, I had a mattress standby in her room, for who else? me of cos, if she cries for me tonight =p

Brand New Year, brand New Start! Happy 2013!!!

Today is the 1st day of 2013 & so, am wishing all my friends a Happy New year! :) 2012 was great, I had all my beloved family members & friends with me, showering me with love & care, got pregnant with baby in my tummy, yes, I'm now 6mths pregnant! And I even got to spend more time with my Bil's family cos they decided to re I ate their place & need a temp place to sleep. I'm happy that Kelvin & I got into the same decision of inviting them over cos not only did we get to know each other better, Kion got to play with her cousins & built a stronger relationship with them. Of cos, there were also some sad events in 2012, Xuel's bro passed away on Xmas eve & I think it must have been a big blow to her... I don't know what to say to her cos all consoling words sound like bullshit when u r the hurt victim. I just hope that she can stand up soon as life has to go on, may 2013 b good for her & family.... Life has been rather kind to me, Kion is still a very good girl in the eyes of her mummy :) & I'm really hoping her brother will come out to b as easy to manage as her. Oh & recently she had been doing not too bad in her piano so Teacher Christine said will try grooming her to see if she has a chance to play in the carnegie hall in the US in Nov 2013. I am of cos delighted cos if she is able to, I think she would b very proud of herself when she grows up & knows about it. Of cos. my little cutie pie doesn't know what's playing in the Carnegie hall means now. Relationship with Kelvin is so far so good, he's still the same, not romantic & doesn't gives surprises, but I guess that's not really important as long as I knows that his heart is with me :) And I had made him promise to brg me for a getaway without the kids when Kion is 6yrs old & Jake, the name Kion choose for her baby brother, is 1yr. I was rather surprise when Kelvin said "Maldives", I shall brg u to "Maldives" for our getaway. Now I just hope he keeps his promise, it has been yrs okok,only about 4yrs, since we last travelled just the 2 of us, but I really miss that feeling, not that I don't love my kids, but I wanna feel like dating again :p Women, like what the men says, r really hard to guess creatures! :)

OMG, what's getting onto me???

I can't believe I hurt my darling daughter last night... Hurt her so badly that she broke down in tears & told me how hurt she was :( What a bad mummy ive been. Actually it all started with some stupid sleeping arrangement which I wanted to do when the baby arrive, but come to think of it, it's all too early isn't it?!?! I'm only going to see my Gynae for my first appt tmr :p Ok, mayb I'm just too nervous, or is it the hormones changing that's making me hot tempered?!?! I wish I didn't lashed out at her, but it's all too late :( I can't believe I actually said: Well, if u don't give in & listen to mummy on the sleeping arrangement, then mummy & baby will go to the other room to sleep while daddy & u can sleep in mummy's room!!! Think it was too much for her. She bursted in tears covering her face & cried very badly. Immediately I knew I shouldn't said that but it was all too late :( Slept with lots of guilt last night, couldn't believe how mean I was, how I hurt my darling :( Bad mummy, better buck up & improve myself. Not much time left for just Kion & mummy's time....

8th Aug 2012.... Finally, it's positive!!! :)

Yes, finally it's positive!!! Words cannot describe how happy?!?! Or mayb shocked I was while holding on to the kit in the toilet, lookInf at the positive sign :p Felt like shouting out yay, but instead, walked out & told the hubs who was equally shocked & pleased, cos yes, we had been trying for quite awhile already... As Kion was just beside us, we decided to break the happy news to her as she had been praying n trying her best to be good so that God would bless her with a little sister :) Of cos, she got mixed feelings, I should have anticipated :p Kion was jumping all over the bed for 1 moment, but was breaking down crying the next. Think she's scare, scare she will lose our love for her, scare she will lose all attention... But what she doesnt knows is tat she is a special child in our heart, our first child, the time we spent with her will never b forgotten, she had built precious memories in our heart, which no one else can ever do cos she's the eldest, having the privilege of having our individual attention :) The younger one will never b able to have time let Kion had with us cos no matter what, I think the only child gets ALL intention & Kion, had been an only child till now, actually, will b till next year. Of cos, we will also love n shower the younger one with care, n yes, every child is different, but every parents love their children. So now, let me just sit down n anticipate this pregnancy with joy n hope I don't grow FAT!!! :( Oh & sad to say, I need to forgo my 10km run... Mayb I can always try again after giving birth ;-)

When the kid misbehaves, it means the parent had failed :(

Feeling damn upset today, cos caught Kion telling a lie. Although later on realized that mayb she didn't had the intention to lie to me.... Yet at that very moment, my mind was in a blank, furious, upset?!?! I didn't even knew what was I feeling!!! Seriously, I suck big time as a mother!!! Can u believe I actually threw a tantrum & told her to sit infront in the car with her daddy and even went as far as to tell her I don't wanna walk her up to school & let her daddy do it instead :p Wah lau, what sort of mother am I??? Luckily my yoga teacher said this today: let it go, whatever happened is over, let it go now, let it go completely. Although she was referring to a posture who h we had to do, I think it suit what I was going thru completely. Yes, I needed to let it go... Anyway, I was upset n hit by reality cos when I ask Kelvin y did she lied, he said: how do I know? Ur daughter is so close to u, kisses u almost like a 100x everyday, how can I know y she lied when u don't know. So yes, I think I am deeply affected cos it seems to say that I have failed to guide my daughter properly, that's y she started lying :( Hiaz, no point looking back n Seeking for answers. Mayb YT is right, nothing is perfect & sometimes is it good to always b perfect??? Anyway, I think I did a good job in letting go, at least infront of her. Better parenting starts right away & yes, I'm sure I can do it :p

It's ok, Mummy!

I must record this conversation between us because I was seriously touched last night =p

Kion: Mummy, can u pls let me try eating bubblegum when I grow up?

Me: Of cos u can try when u r older, but u cant eat bubblegum, u can only chew them & spit them out.

Kion: what u happen when I swallow? stuck in my stomach? then Doctor needs to cut my stomach to take it out? And it's gg to b very painful rite.

Me: If Dr cuts ur stomach, of cos its gg to b very painful, just like when Dr cut my stomach to take u out, it was sooo painful when I woke up. But u were still a baby at that time, cannot sayang Mummy.

Kion: Then if I want didi & meimei then u gg to b in pain again!

Me: yes, so we just have 1 more instead of 2 more children ok?

Kion: It's ok lah Mummy!

Me: WHAT! Its ok to b in pain?!?!

Kion: No Mummy, I meant it's ok to not have didi meimei. Cos I dont want u to b in pain again.

Me: Kion, bcos u r so good to mummy, I also think it's ok, even if it's painful also I try 2 give u a meimei ok =)


Hiaz, my little baby is so sensible now, no longer a baby.... I miss u Kion, miss ur days as a baby...